”Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known.”
In college, we lived by an honor code, with an entire system of education and accountability to ingrain the principles of that code into our lives. As a freshman, I took the oath: “We will not lie, steal, or cheat, nor tolerate among us anyone who does. Furthermore, I resolve to do my duty and to live honorably, so help me God.” It was a pretty radical commitment on a college campus, even in my day, but it laid a foundation of expectations and a building block of integrity.
Integrity has often been defined as doing the right thing even when no one is watching. I like to go a little bit further and think of integrity as making decisions and acting in accordance with the beliefs I hold. There should be a consistency with what I say and what I do, but we all live with some level of hypocrisy, even Saint Paul, who said, “What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate…For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want” (Romans 7:15,19). Yet, we should strive to integrate our beliefs and our actions.
Transparency and accountability help us to develop this consistency and integrity. Twelve step programs know this power and the fifth step helps to lay it out: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Furthermore, they often repeat the saying that you're only as sick as your sickest secret. Sin and inconsistency are fostered by the belief, and perhaps like me you have said this to yourself, that, “No one will ever know.” This is rarely, if ever, actually true. Just think of how many newspaper articles are written about people who thought no one would ever find out.
In order to remind himself of this reality, a friend of mine used to use the statement, “There’s no such thing as a secret.” Personally, I think this can be a helpful guide as we seek to integrate our beliefs and actions. It can be a tool for each of us to use when contemplating the decisions we make. It is kind of a heavy and clumsy tool, not so great for refined issues of conscience, but like the honor code, can lay a foundation and help us to build an integrated life. It is not, however, a weapon we should use against others.
The Catechism states, “Everyone should observe an appropriate reserve concerning persons' private lives” (2492) and “The right to the communication of the truth is not unconditional" (2488).The right to privacy is a sufficient reason not to communicate the challenges, mistakes, or sins of another, even if they are true. We also want to avoid communicating falsehood or participating in gossip. It is our responsibility to protect the privacy of others with charity, mercy, and respect for human dignity even as we seek personally to live without secrets.
This is especially true when we are seeking to uphold others in prayer. God knows their needs, even before we ask, and while specific prayers for people are always beneficial, we should use great care in sharing personal details. A good principle is always to ask the person we are praying for, and asking others to pray for, what is okay to share about their situation. Just because we may know the truth doesn't mean we should communicate it to everyone. In fact, it can be a sign of love to use discretion in sharing someone else's private information.
We live with this tension, or balance, between our personal transparency and accountability as we seek to live with integrity and our respect for the privacy and dignity of others, especially when we know the truth. In this way, we can be a safe community where those in need can experience God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness through us without fear.